A TOTALLY CLICHE HARRY POTTER FAN FIC!
by lilpinkbunny
Summary: Its a TOTALLY cliche Harry Potter Fan Fic... basically i poke fun at all the FanFics with Hermione and Draco romantically involved and point out how unreasnable somethings are. VERY FUNNY!!! R/R!
1. Back to the platform!

A/N: Welcome to my New FIC "Totally Cliché Harry Potter Fan Fiction" I got really sick of all the similar fics out there and decided to write this as a SATIRE of it. If I use something that happens in your fic please don't be offended.Laugh at your self.  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of it  
  
Totally Cliché Harry Potter Fan Fiction  
  
Hermione was late. again, for the train. She'd set her alarm but woke up late, in her totally girly room that was lavender colored. She rolled out of bed and looked in the white girly girl mirror. Her appearance had changed drastically in the last year. Her hair was in soft brown curls that were shoulder length. Her teeth were perfect now. Her body was perfect too! She had grown her breasts so that they were bigger and she had also made her legs skinnier and yada yada yada. in the long and short. she looked hot.  
  
"I'm gonna be a bad girl this year and I'm not going to let anyone stop me!" She got dressed putting on a tiny miniskirt and a red sweater. She "magiced" makeup on to her face and looked at the clock. "Oh MY! I have to hurry or I'll be late!!!" She ran out to her parents Mercedes and they were off!  
  
The Platform was crowded, as always. Hermione was running with her trunk in tow and crookshaks behind her. She carried all her clothes and managed to run. SHE'S WONDER WOMEN!!! But not for long because she bumped in to a totally build and totally hot, blonde hair and blue eyed babe, Draco Malfoy.  
  
"Watch it Mud blood" He noticed her chest and looked her up and down. It made her wet being watched by such a hot guy. She had always despised him, but secretly thought that he was hot. even if he was a player and always rude to her and even though she'd never have a chance. He went off to find his "cronies" Crabbe and Goyle and Hermione hurried on to find Harry and Ron.  
  
Harry and Ron were standing at the other end of the platform. In the past few years they have become "built" from Quiditich. Harry's hair is still unruly.. and Ron is hot (yeah. whatever). Girls drool all over them and they are players. Harry secretly always has liked Ginny, but won't admit it to Ron. Ron had always loved Hermione, because that's what the people at SugarQuill.com say. Ron was uber studdly, but he could never make a move on Hermione, He was afraid of rejection. Poor Ron. ( He still had his temper and Hermione and Ron fought like an old married couple. at least that's what Harry and everyone else said.  
  
Hermione was running down the Platform to meet Ron and Harry. She saw them and ran over waving (bags still in tow).  
  
"HI GUYS! I haven't seen you in, LIKE, forever!!" She screamed elatedly. Ron and Harry couldn't even recognize her because she had undergone such a drastic change, but they did manage to take a good look at her chest.  
  
"Are you new?? And do we KNOW you??" Ron was shocked someone so hot would talk to him; He was still checking her out. Hermione tapped him sweetly on the arm.  
  
"I'd think you'd remember the girl you've always been infatuated with sense 1st year even though you're to shy to admit it!" Ron went cherry red in the ears and blushed the shade of tomatoes. Harry cut into the conversation. They both couldn't believe this was Hermione.  
  
"WOW! Mione you look beautiful. Not like the bookworm were accustom to in JK Rowling's Smash Series "Harry Potter". What did you change??" He looked meaningfully at her chest.  
  
"Well Harry, and Ron, if you can close your mouth for a sec. I'm getting a little wet from the drool." Ron closed him mouth, he was still shocked, "I decided to Grow my breasts and go for a bit of a different look, you know, be *bad* for a year." Hermione licked her red and highly glossed lips. "DANCE BRAKE!!"  
  
Music started to play. Ginny, Lavender, and Parvatie came up behind Hermione wearing matching outfits that look as though they were bought from "Hot Topic" (AKA whore clothing) "I wanna be Bad" was blasting. the girls busted a move and Hermione started to sing along with a microphone that suddenly appeared in her hand.  
  
"I wanna be bad You make bad look so good I got things on my mind I never thought I would. I, I wanna be bad You make bad feel so good I'm losing all my cool I'm about to break the rules I, I wanna be bad  
  
I wanna be bad with you baby I-I-I-I--I wanna be bad baby...  
  
(Shouted :) BAD!"  
  
The song ended and Hermione walks over to the guys.  
  
"So, ya get it now??" She asked seductively.  
  
"Uh, yeah. RIGHT ON!" Shouted Ron. "I wanna be BAD!!!"  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. What wouldn't Ron do for Hermione?  
  
"So, Mione, did ya get Head Girl??" Harry asked.  
  
"DUH!!!! This couldn't be a cliché fic without it!! Let's get on the train!"  
  
Our Hero's bored the train and it drives into the sunset.  
  
Fade to the rest of "I wanna be Bad"  
  
Hope everyone approves. I thought it was funny. Hope you like it to.  
  
XOXO  
  
Lilp  
  
(PS! Enter my fic contest at my site Thanks) 


	2. Head compartment and Ron's Ramblings

A/N: Thanks for the over welling good reposes! Glad you all like. Let's get on with it.  
  
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN IT!!!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
The train was racing by the countryside of England. Our Hero's are sitting inside their usual compartment.  
  
~~  
  
"SO Hermione. I bet theirs a Head Girl Compartment!" Said Ron excitedly, "Ya wanna check it out??? PLEASE!!!!!!"  
  
"Ok Ron, but please, stop acting so wiped." Hermione asked politely. No one ever told her but she was pretty sure Ron was obsessed. Hum, what gave it away??  
  
"All rightly! Harry, wanna come with us??" Ron was as excited as a kid on Christmas, if only he could spend some time with Hermione and tell her what he was completely sure she already knew.  
  
"Nah, I think I'll stay here and."  
  
BUT Harry was interrupted. Ginny had just walked into the compartment.  
  
"Hi Harry." She didn't notice Ron and Hermione sitting in the corner, "Glad to see we're finally alone." Ginny purred seductively.  
  
"Umm, Ginny?" Hermione interjected, a little uncomfortable, "Were standing right here, but well go and leave you in peace.  
  
Hermione quickly ushered Ron out of the compartment and started to walk down the hall.  
  
~~  
  
"Hey Hermione, What do ya think that was about with Ginny?" Ron questioned as they passed Neville trying to change a plant into a Toad. Ron was very naive. WOW! REALLY??? WHO TOLD YOU?? I CANT TELL!!! (got sarcasm??)  
  
"I'm sure its nothing Ron, Don't worry about it," Hermione said absentmindedly. She was trying to mentally figure out who the head boy was. She reasoned that it couldn't be Ron or Harry, or Dean, or Neville, or Semus, or Terry Boot, Of Justin Flinch-Flectly, or Colin Creevy, or Dennis Creevy, or Rodger Davis, or Cedric Diggory, or Mr. Weasely, or Charlie Wesley, or Professor Snape, OR Dumbledore, or Tom Riddle, or Terrance Higgs, OR Mr. Malfoy, or Hagrid, or Crabbe, or Goyle, or Lupin, or Flitwick, or Lee Jordan, Or George Wesley, or Fred Wesley, or Bill Wesley, or Ginny, or Percy Wesley, or Oliver Wood, or Ernie Mac Milan, Basil Zambini, Professor Binns, or Professor Qurille, or Professor Moody, or Flitch, or Dudley, or Headmaster Dippet, or Stabbers the rat..  
  
This stumped Hermione. She didn't know.  
  
This entire time Ron had been mumbling something about how he loved Hermione and how they always fight like people who like each other. but wont admit it and how he wanted to ask her to the Yule Ball. Hermione had ignored the whore thing.  
  
"WERE HERE!!!!" Hermione triumphantly shut up Ron and opened to door, one peak in and guess who it was??????????????????  
  
BET CHA CAN'T GUSSE!!!???!!  
  
Ok. IT WAS DRACO!!!!!  
  
Hermione was shocked.  
  
"Hi Mud blood." He said coolly, He was reading a book, 'Quiditich through the ages'. Ron was pissed.  
  
"HOW THE HELL DID THIS LITTLE BASTERD GET TO BE HEAD BOY?!?" Ron objected angrily.  
  
Draco shook his head coolly... "Please. who did ya think it would be? Crabbe?" By this time Hermione had regained control of herself. She turned to Ron who was a shocking shade of Fuchsia.  
  
"Ron, go back and pry Ginny off of Harry, I can handle this better then you." Ron got happy again! HERMIONE TALKED TO HIM!!  
  
"All right. whatever. you.. Want..." He scurried off with a look of glee on his face.  
  
~~  
  
Hermione turned back to Draco.  
  
"So, your head boy?"  
  
"Nice assessment Sherlock. and nice assets Sherlock. you really are." HE sighed. Hermione knew that this was going to be a tempting year.  
  
"You really are," he continued but Hermione decided it was time to cut him off,  
  
"I'm to what, Malfoy, is the word your looking for.... Sexy??"  
  
"Yeah," Draco breathed, "Your to sexy."  
  
"DANCE BRAKE!!!!!!!!!" Hermione shouted. Hermione was solo this time.  
  
"I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt"  
  
Hermione took off her Shirt to revel a red lacy bra.  
  
"So sexy it hurts  
  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
  
New York and Japan  
  
And I'm too sexy for your party"  
  
She points to Draco and gives him a lap dance  
  
"Too sexy for your party  
  
No way I'm disco dancing:"  
  
Hermione did a Dance Solo.  
  
And started to sing again  
  
"I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my  
  
'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk  
  
And I'm too sexy for this song"  
  
Hermione ended in a sexy pose and then everything went back to normal.  
  
"So" Draco started, "You really are to sexy."  
  
"I know" Hermione countered.  
  
Then the train lurched to a halt.  
  
"WERE HERE!!!" Dennis Creevy Shouted over the Loud Speaker.  
  
"Bye, Draco" Hermione gave him a little air kiss and seductively walked off  
  
FADE TO "I'M TO SEXY"  
  
~~  
  
hope y'all liked it. to all the people who were mad about the hot topic comment.  
  
I'm not generalizing people.. Here is my comment.  
  
"The majority of what I have been forced to see at a hop topic store is for people who want the 'Goth/Punk' look. Most of the clothing I have seen was a bit. umm. whorish. Sorry if you like it. BUT remember, this is a "TOTALLY CLICHÉ HARRY POTTER FAN FIC!" and I am just poking fun at other things. No need to feel offended."  
  
In other news. sorry about that weird typing thing last chater, I thought it maybe be the font im reading, but I might be wrong. This will soon be spoted on my site, so if you want to read it without the interruptions you can go there, ill announce when its up there.  
  
XOXO  
  
lilp 


	3. A Tasty Treat!

Note to readers:  
  
Thank your for all the reviews. you are all wonderful for reading it. This is my final "Hot Topic" comment  
  
"The majority of what I have been forced to see at a hop topic store is for people who want the 'Goth/Punk' look. Most of the clothing I have seen was a bit. Umm, whorish. I don't think the spikes are whoreish, but there are some clothing there that seems whoreish. And yes, I have been there. BUT remember, this is a "TOTALLY CLICHÉ HARRY POTTER FAN FIC!" and I am just poking fun at other things. No need to feel offended."  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Personal notes:  
  
Jess- thank you, I'm very glad you think its funny  
  
hahero01- Thanks to, I am trying to get through the third chappy, but I'm sorta stuck, I know what I wanna do, just not how to do it.  
  
Eclipse- I'm very glad you like it. That was one of the reason's I choose to write it, to point out how 'un original' some stories are. but I also read them!  
  
Eric- Thanks! I have some tricks up my sleeves. wait. this shirt is sleeveless!  
  
Nicole- THANK YOU!!! Glad you like it!  
  
Milano- Thanks, yes. Abercrombie. ugh. another store I dislike. but that will come into play later.  
  
mandy- Thanks for your TOTALLY CLICHÉ REVIEW!!!! Those are the best!  
  
PhyrePrincess- Thanks for the constructive criticism.  
  
"-"- nice name. see the hot topic comment.  
  
SaDiStIc-FrEaK- Thank You, also: see the hot topic comment  
  
ast*P- Thank you! I love the dance brakes to! Totally un planned!  
  
Ithilia-Thanks adele! I love your story! Thanks for adding me to your favorite authors list! I added you to!  
  
RaveN MiZt- Your English is good! Don't worry about it! Thanks for reading!  
  
Tarhiliel- ahem. thanks for reading. please look at the Hot Topic comment and notice how two words have quotes around them.  
  
Sleepy Hobo no. 4- Thanks for loving my story! I LOVE YOUR USER NAME!!!  
  
Sora Ketsueki- I love how your review about hot topic used logic! Best "Hot Topic" related review to date! And thanks for reading my story!  
  
hahero01- THANKS!!! You have agreed with the queen. I shall knight you. where's my sward?? soccer-chick250- DANCE BRAKE!!! "Take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green and the guys are hotties, wont you please take me home!" (My revised version) Thanks for your review!  
  
Eric- Thank you again!  
  
Crazy-Peanut-Chick- NOOO!!! I MUST HIDE FROM YOUR WRATH!!! *jumps into a bush*  
  
Trinity- I'll keep writing, just for you!!  
  
harrys-gurl22- I'm writing as fast as I can. Thanks to legal Efedra!  
  
Taff- Thanks! Self promotion is a must!  
  
udont want2no - I don't care that you flamed me. BUT IF ANYONE WANTS TO USE THE WORD "GAY" TO MEAN SOMETHING NEGATIVE YOU CAN GET YOUR FAT ASSES OUTTA MY FIC!!!! IT WONT BE TOLERATED AT ALL!!! AND IM NOT FUCKEN KIDDING.  
  
~~The next chappie is starting to come along. but will be a bit longer. I'm going out of town on the 3ed and I will try to gat it up by then, because I wont be back until the 13th.  
  
Thanks to every one!!!!  
  
XOXO  
  
lilp 


	4. The Mary Jane

A/n: I hope you all like Chapter 3!! Thanks you all for the positive feed back.. some times this week I will write little responses to everyone.  
  
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN IT!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
The great hall was as great as ever.  
  
All the students were clambering into the hall. All the people were making Hermione Uber nostalgic. She turned to Ron.  
  
"Ronnakins?? Do you remember first year??" She gave him the sexy come hither look that totally turned Ron on.  
  
"Oh yes my darling baby! You were ever so hot in the Hogwarts uniform with you frizzy hair and screwed up teeth!" He was getting desperate as they sat down in their seats.  
  
Dumbledore magically made all the student shut up (but no one can ever find out how. must be a spell.)  
  
"I'm glad to have you all back for what should be an exciting year, where Harry will defeat Voldie, again, and we will all end up happy and safe, even if a few of us get petrified along the way. But everything will end happy and yes, there will be a dance brake at the end!" Everyone looked relived that the normal routine for the year would be the same.  
  
Meanwhile Hermione had NOT been listening. HOW UN HERMIONE!!! Anyway. She was sitting across from Ron and was giving Draco a sexy bitch stare and licked her lips. Ron thought that it was directed at him. He turned to Harry and whispered in his ear.  
  
"Hey, Harry, Do ya think I've got a shot with Hermione?"  
  
Harry was sick of the discussion they had everyday.  
  
"Sure, why not." He was looking lustfully at Ginny.  
  
Dumbledore was getting louder, forcing people to pay attention.  
  
"LETS GET ON WITH THE SORTING!!!" SHOUTED DUMBLEDOR!! "Servious! Who is our lucky 1st year this time?"  
  
"Well Dumble we have Greg Ramón! GREY COME ON DOWN!!!!"  
  
Dumbledore put the hat on his head, and it screamed out "HUFFLEPUFF"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes, fancy system this year, at least it'd be faster then last year when Dumbledore decided to have them play The Weakest Link to decode who would go where.  
  
They had finally arrived at the last student on the list, Jade Pink Havenworth. Dumbledore started to talk again.  
  
"Jade is a transfer student from America. Her full name is Jade Pink Mary Sue Havenworth. And I wrote a poem to welcome her here! Here it goes. Lights."  
  
Dumbledore got onto a stool and a spot light appeared on him. He put on a beret and coffee appeared on the tables.  
  
"Jade Pink Mary Sue Havenworth, This is for you.  
  
~  
  
Your eyes are the color of Smokey Jade,  
  
Your beauty could cause a Military Blockade,  
  
Your super trendy clothing are made of Suede,  
  
Your black Hair will help you get laid  
  
Yeah Jade  
  
~  
  
The white streak in your hair is lighter then air  
  
You're a photojournalist, unlike Cher  
  
Your see dead people as much as your see pubic hair  
  
Yeah Darling Jade  
  
~  
  
You do better Karate the Trinity  
  
Hermione's long lost cousin, Full of femininity  
  
We'll love you to infinity  
  
Baby Jade"  
  
~  
  
Everyone erupted into Snaps  
  
"THANK YOU HOGWARTS! I'LL BE HERE ALL YEAR!!! COME ON DOWN JADE!"  
  
Jade finally appeared. Hermione didn't notice that Jade was her cousin because she was to busy fingering herself and letting Draco peek at it.  
  
Jade was just like in the song. and almost as sultry as Hermione! She was in low-rise jeans. maybe 1in from her crouch and she was wearing a white top that barely covered her Chest. All the guys were instantly enamored with her, except for Ron and Harry. Draco diverted his attention from Hermione for a sec as Jade walked by.  
  
She sat on the stool and they put the hat on her head.  
  
"Gryffindor!" Everyone cheered even though they really wanted her in their house. She strutted over to Seamus and Dean who almost fainted.  
  
"Alright! WERE ALMOST DONE!!" Announced Dumbledore, "I also want to say that Draco and Hermione are our new HEAD boy and girl." Everyone knew that already because they are ALWAYS the head boy and girl. "LETS EAT!"  
  
Food Magically appered and everyone started to dig in.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Later Hermione and Draco went to their dorm. THERE WERE THREE doors. And I think you all know what the rest looks like, because its so Cliché! Right before Hermione was about to go to her ,what else, red and gold room Draco spoke out.  
  
"Hey, Hermione, I just wanted to tell you that I want to be your friend. And I'll be there for you. HEY! You know what this means??"  
  
"Yeah." Hermione responded happily.. "DANCE BRAKE!!!"  
  
~  
  
Hermione can suddenly play guitar, Draco can play bass and the rest of a dance appears behind them..  
  
"I'll be there for you... When the rain starts to pour I'll be there for you... Like I've been there before I'll be there for you... 'Cause you're there for me too.  
  
~  
  
Hermione does a Guitar solo  
  
~  
  
No one could ever know me. No one could ever see me. Seems your the only one who knows what it's like to be me Someone to face the day with. Make it through all the mess with. Someone I'll always laugh with. Even at my worst, I'm best with.... you - yeah  
  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear, When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but...  
  
I'll be there for you... When the rain starts to pour I'll be there for you... Like I've been there before I'll be there for you... 'Cause you're there for me too..."  
  
~  
  
and everything vanished as fast as it had appered.  
  
"Night Draco"  
  
"Night Hermione"  
  
They walk off to their separate rooms.  
  
~  
  
AND SCENE!  
  
I will be outta town for 2 weeks. so sorry about the lack of an update.  
  
Love..  
  
Lilp  
  
XOXO 


	5. Oh, the wonders of the broom closets!

A/n: HI!!! Thank you all for patience! I was in the Vineyard. it was dandy, but I missed writing. so here is a fresh chapter of TOTALLY CLICHÉ HARRY POTTER FAN FIC! Hope you all approve! But first.  
  
NEW RULE!!  
  
It goes.  
  
If you flame at least have to balls to leave your name. otherwise you are not allowed to flame. its not like I'm going on a witch hunt for anyone who doesn't like it. You like it or you don't and if you don't then fine, but have the balls to stand behind what you think.  
  
And on to the new chapter  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Hermione woke up bright and early the next morning. She stared at the ceiling and remembered the 'moment' she had with Draco last night.  
  
He was a super sexy stud muffin don't cha know? Hermione could eat him up. And the feeling was mutual.  
  
Hermione got dressed in her new super sexy robes. She had shortened the skirt and put bondage on it. Her blouse was unbuttoned so low it was as low as 'the dress' J lo. Wore. Knee socks and a serpent necklace completed the out fit. Hermione inspected herself in the mirror.  
  
"GOOD! Serpent. I love Gryffindor a lot, but I feel like not making any sense, so serpent it is. Wait, I want my tits to be bigger." She pointed the wand at her chest and said an undistinguishable spell (what a surprise!), "Much better"  
  
She left for the great hall without seeing Draco.  
  
~~  
  
Once in the great hall she sat next to Harry and across from Ron, but still in view of Draco's table. The owls swooped into the room and dropped the Daily Profit into Hermione's oatmeal.  
  
"Damn Owl" Hermione uttered under her breath. She threw the paper behind her and it hit Dennis Creevy in the head. Ron looked at Hermione.  
  
"My Darling love kitten, how did you sleep? Can I pour you some Tea, Maybe coffee? Any thing?"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and looked at Ron sweetly.  
  
"Ronnakins, can you refill my coffee?" She requested with a faux sweet look on her face.  
  
She made Ron thrilled! But there was one problem.  
  
"Umm, Hermione, your cup is full." Hermione looked at it for a second.  
  
"Oh, it is. hold on." she turned around and poured in on Ernie Mac Millen's (who was sitting behind her) head.  
  
But Ernie never really noticed because Jade had entered the great hall. Time slowed down as she slowly seemingly slid through the hall and to her seat. With one last flip of her hair the time returned to normal. Harry was the first to speak up.  
  
"Wow, Jade is something else." Harry said, "So ,Hermione, did you to ever meat before yesterday??" Hermione didn't even move her gaze from Hogwarts a History.  
  
"I don't know what your talking about Harry!" Hermione said absentmindedly.  
  
"Uh. Hermione.." Ron started.. "Jade is your long lost cousin. did you ever meet her?  
  
"Hum. Pose not. That will probably be important later. but for right now. who cares??" She threw her paper she was reading behind her and it hit another unnamed student behind her. She continued to eat and Ron continued to gaze.  
  
Ron was trying to screw up some courage. so he just had to come out and say it.  
  
"Hermione?" He started, she looked up for a second and nodded as if he needed permission to talk. "I want to talk to you privately in the common room later. Ok?"  
  
"What ever", she simply said. Across the room Draco was pointing to the door and looking at her. She nodded and thought of an excuse for everyone else.  
  
"Guys, I'm umm, gonna study a bit before class.."  
  
They all responded with a simple nod and she left meeting Draco outside the door on her way out. They went to a broom closet.  
  
He pushed her in and locked the door with a form of dark magic. No words were necessary. Hermione ripped off his shirt and pulled down his pants. He reached under her skirt and pulled off her panties. Draco laid on the cold stone floor and Hermione startled his waist and started to ride him wildly. Shouting expressions like "OH BABY!!! HARDER.. DO IT NOW!! THAT'S IT!!! AGGGGH!"  
  
It was the most sexually satisfying experience of her life. She was spent and slumped down on Draco he was all tired out to. But he got the strength to say.. "Babe, I think I love you.."  
  
And we all can assume what happened then.  
  
"I think I love you,  
  
But what am I so afraid of?  
  
Afraid that I'm not sure of  
  
A love there is no cure for??"  
  
~~  
  
It was the PARTRAGE Family. They all morphed into the closet and started to play their interments. IT WAS GROOVY!!!!  
  
The strange thing is that this whole time, through the hot sex and the song. no one was alarmed at the noise coming from the broom closet right by the great hall. Hum..  
  
AND SCENE!  
  
Alright! Hope you all liked! Reviews have been great! Please review this one! Sorry my hiatus was so long. I've had a touch of writers block!  
  
Much love!  
  
lilp 


	6. Confessions of a love stricken mind

HI! Long time no see, but an influx of reviews made me think about writing again. I have been VERY busy, second semester Jr. Year is uber harsh. But I want to get on with the story, so I have re read it and am ready to make a crack at finishing it. You know, I've never actually finished a story. Let's see if I can do it with this. Summer is right around the corner and I will try to write more!  
  
Chapter 5  
  
The first full day of classes had finished and every one was tired out from there grueling schedules. Hermione returned to the great hall after dropping her books off in her head girl dorm. She hadn't seen or heard of Draco sense to hot scene in the broom closet (A/N: very hot, if I do say so myself)  
  
Ron was already sitting at his usual seat at the table. He was starting to eat when she arrived. He already had food on Hermione's plate and was trying desperately to reassure himself that he was right to attempt to tell Hermione about his very obvious feelings. The tables didn't have many people sitting at them. Most people were outside because of the wonderful weather.  
  
Hermione had changed into a new outfit, green low riders and a black low cut shirt. And she was defiantly wearing a very padded bra. She sat down and casually looked at Ron who appeared to be deep in prayer with his hands folded and his eyes closed. She glanced at his oddly and started to eat her food. Ron said "Amen" and started to eat. He concentrated at his food as Hermione looked over to the syltherian table to see if Draco was there and she was sad to see he wasn't. Crabbe saw her glancing and grunted and blew a kiss towards her. Hermione winked and licked her lips.  
  
Ron finally got the courage, after a few awkward bits, to look at Hermione and her 'awesome beauty' (AKA her tits). Then he turned away momentarily and looked into a far off direction and started to speak like he was in a Shakespearian soliloquy to Neville who was sitting on his side trying to get peas on to his fork, not very successfully:  
  
"See, how she puts her food upon her mouth!  
  
O that I were a Pea upon that plate,  
  
That I might touch that mouth! This bud of love I doth feel, by school's ripening breath,  
  
May prove a beauteous flower when you next ignore me. But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?  
  
It is the east, and Hermy is the sun." He pronounced in a love stricken daze!  
  
Hermione heard this entire confession, "Umm, Ron?" Hermione looked over at him. Ron snapped to attention, his body stiffened and his cheeks turned crimson, thinking she had heard his profession of true desire! But he was saved by Jade, who entered the hall at that moment making a large commotion. Hermione turned around quickly to see her cousin/arch enemy, and caught a glimpse of Jade walking arm and arm with Draco through the great hall to the Slytherin table. She did a slow-mo flip of her hair and she and Draco sat down with her back turned to Hermione and Ron. She started to rub his leg as He fed her.  
  
However this isn't want Hermione was in a speechless rage over. Jade was breaking rule number uno of being a girl. SHE WAS WEARING THE SAME OUTFIT AS HERMIONE! To make matters worse, the entire Slytherian table was fawning over her, even though she is really a Gryffindor.  
  
Steam was coming out of Hermione's ears as she saw her new outfit sit down at the Slytherian table. Ron was rubbing her back trying the whisper to Hermione that it wasn't worth it to get mad, but she wasn't having any of it. Jade had gone too far. Hermione got up and walked confidently over to Jade and tapped her on the back. As she did the entire great hall became silent. Jade slowly turned around.  
  
"Hi cuz, wanna join me?" Jade said with a deceptively bitchy tone.  
  
"I think you know why I'm her. Don't pretend like you don't. Who do you think you are, Whore?!?"  
  
Hermione had pushed it too far. Jade go up and stood in front of Hermione's face as the entire Great hall looked on. "I dare you to say that again!" Jade tempted.  
  
Hermione was defiant, "Whore, Whore, Whore, Whore, Whore, Whore-"  
  
"You can stop now!" Jade attempted.  
  
"No I can't... Whore, Whore, Whore, Whore, Whore, Whore, Whore, Whore. Ok, now I'm satisfied."  
  
"FINE!"  
  
"FINE!"  
  
"GO!" shouted Jade at Hermione... "It this happens again you know what'll go down!"  
  
Neville jumped on the table and shouted "CHICK FIGHT!!! WOOO!"  
  
The entire hall fell silent and looked at Neville, you could hear the crickets in the distance.  
  
"Ok, I'll go now" Neville mumbled as he climbed down from the table and walked out of the hall. The crickets continued until he left. Ron finally got the courage to speak up as Hermione and Jade were staring each other down.  
  
"Hermione, we better go now." He attempted with the weakest of convictions.  
  
"Fine Loverboy." Hermione walked over to Ron and planted a kiss on him. Ron almost fainted from excitement as the kiss was occurring. Draco's mouth was open in amazement. Jade looked disgusted. The awkward kiss ended as Hermione look over at Ron. "You know what that means..."  
  
"DANCE BRAKE" They both shouted!  
  
Suddenly Hermione and Ron were on cars like the Mariah Carey "Lover boy" video and they started to sing a duet.  
  
Hermione: I got myself a lover Who loves what I like When he invites me over I come every time Oh my sugar daddy Takes me for a ride Whatever way we're going It's delirium time  
  
He's all mine And his loving makes me high Like a taste of ecstasy All I need is him to be my loverboy  
  
After Hermione's killer verse and awesome car driving tricks Ron came in with the Chorus  
  
Ron: Loverboy Come on and love me Give me more Touch me and touch me I enjoy the way you rock me all night long (Baby all night long) Loverboy come on and take me Only you know how to make me Shudder with anticipation All night long (All night long)  
  
After Ron completed the chorus he and Hermione busted out of the hall and drove their cars to the dormitory leaving the Great Hall as perplexed as they were when Neville yelled "Chick Fight"  
  
END  
  
Not that great but I really need to get back into the groove of writing.  
  
Review!  
  
Lil p 


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